What if ?
by Lionblaze and Jayfeather
Summary: What if Thomas hadn't been killed? What if, meanwhile, Dash and Reed had shared something? Worst of all ... What if Reed was pregnant?
1. Summary

**What if?**

His eyes haunted me. Every single day. Always. I wanted him back so desperately. What he had given me hadn't been enough. I wanted more. I couldn't believe he was gone forever. He couldn't. He wouldn't do this to me. He swore he would not leave me. And here I am, broken and desperate. I wanted to yell. _Come back, Thomas, pretty pretty please._


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Hey, Reed!"

I did not need to see who had called my name to know who it was. I smiled for no reason, except maybe love. I turned my head back and I saw him. I kept my eyes on him – the sexiest boy I've ever met – while he was walking toward me. His name was Thomas Pearson and he actually was my boyfriend. I tried to forget the other girls's looks. They were almost eating him with their eyes. I couldn't believe the luck I had to date a guy like him. He was – how you call this – a player. I knew it, but I couldn't help but falling for him. He came near me and kissed my lips. Short and sweet. He smiled. His blue eyes looked at mine and I felt like they were smiling too.

"So, what are you up to?" I asked him.

"Don't know. I thought we could do something together." he said. The way he said 'we' made me shiver. I looked at him, smiling, "Yeah and what will we be doing?"

He did not really answer with words but I really did understand what he was thinking about – like I didn't already know! He kissed me again, more passionately. He pulled me closer to him. It felt so good in his arms. I kissed him back. He slowly pushed me away.

I frowned, wondering what was going on. His eyes weren't on me anymore. He was looking at something – or someone – behind me. Something he seemed to be the only one to see. I was about to turn my head back to see what was keeping his attention when he kissed me just like he was trying to tell me not to look. He stopped after a while and he looked at me, smiling, "I will see you later."

I looked at him and said, "What? I thought you wanted us to do something together."

Could he really forget this? Or maybe what he was looking at changed his mind. Possible. And what if ... What if he was looking at another girl? Jealousy was taking the place into my mind and I looked at Thomas with suspicious eyes, trying to understand. He sighed and looked away, saying, "Stop looking at me like this, if you don't mind."

Actually, I did mind, but I did not mention it. I just looked away too, pretending to be mad. And then, I saw Noelle Lange, Kiran Hayes, Taylor Bell and Ariana Osgood walking and talking near us. I looked back at Thomas and noticed his interest in Ariana. Was it regret in his eyes? Regrets? It couldn't be that! Ariana basically hated Thomas Pearson. I meant, she clearly let me know that when I had talked to her about him in the first place. None of the Billings girls seemed to like him. Not that I cared about that, but I couldn't be with him if he was hated by the Billings girls since I was trying to be part of the bond.

"Is there something going on with you and Ariana?" I asked him even if it might – okay, probably would – look possessive.

He blenched and looked at me, surprised, "What? Me and Ariana? Don't be ridiculous, Reed."

His voice sounded aggressive to me but he added, more softly, "You know I ain't cheating on you."

There it was. It made me feel guilty for even thinking that my boyfriend could be cheating on me with one of the first girl that ever spoke to me here. I looked down as a kid would after being caught doing something wrong.

"I know." I whispered.

He touched my chin to make me look at him in the eyes and again, this contact totally electrified me. He kissed my lips and the second after this, he was gone. His timing was pretty perfect: few seconds after he had left, the Billings girls came to me.

"Hi, Reed." they said. Ariana gave me that nice look, Taylor smiled, Kiran just totally ignored me and I couldn't blame her for that and Noelle was looking at me with that creepy look, as always. She was kinda freaking me out but I worked hard to not let her know. Ariana began to speak first, "So you and Thomas are dating?"

I had to say I've been surprised by her question. Since when did she care about me dating him? I didn't remember she ever did. I forced myself not to smile while answering, "Yeah, I like him." Her look became weird.

"I told you he wasn't the right guy for you." Her tone was a bit too possessive. Wait, Ariana Osgood? With Thomas Pearson? _Don't make me laugh. _

Kiran looked at Ariana, "Oh, please let him live his life." Her voice sounded dramatic and it made me smile but noticing that none of the three other girls were smiling, I kept my laughs for myself. I looked at Kiran, trying to figure out what she was talking about. Obviously, none of the four girls wanted to tell me what was going on.

"Anyway, it has nothing to do with you, so you can stay out of my relationships." I told them.

Noelle answered, with an enigmatic smile, "I'll stay out of it when you'll make brighter decisions". She was really serious and it scared me a bit.

I looked at them, one after the other and said, "What the hell is wrong with me dating Thomas Pearson? I know you guys don't like him but I do like him and I don't understand what's wrong in this".

Noelle looked at me, "I just don't want you to get hurt."

I looked up to the sky and to her again, "I won't be hurt".

She continued, "You know, Thomas Pearson isn't the perfect faithful guy."

Even if these words made me doubt, I didn't really listen to her, "He's not cheating on me."

Noelle looked at Ariana with a weird look, "Don't be so sure."

I stopped thinking for a while and replayed the scene in my head another time. "What, he's cheating on me with Ariana?" I said, being ironic. I knew it wasn't true, he told me so like five minutes ago. And I believed him. Always will. I looked at Ariana, whose face wasn't showing any emotion. It was hard to guess what was her thoughts.

Noelle almost laughed and said, "A Billings girl like Ariana, can't date a Ketlar guy like Thomas, simple as this."

I wasn't so sure I really understood what was the meaning behind this sentence. But Noelle was known for her full-of-meaning sentence even if no one could get the sense of it except Taylor, Kiran and Ariana. When Noelle said this, Ariana gave her a weird look like she wasn't agree with it. Noelle made her shut up by only looking at her. She really was the boss.

She looked at me again, analyzing me more than ever, "Be careful, okay?."

"Since when do you care?" I answered.

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." she said. She walked away, followed by her three friends (were they her friends?). I looked at them and took a deep breath. They made me think now. I saw Thomas, near the cafeteria. He was hanging out with a bunch of people. Girls were laughing to whatever he was saying and boys were listening to him like he was a super hero. A blonde girl got near to him just like she was about to kiss him. He slowly turned her down, but still… I felt so jealous, he was so popular. How could a guy like him stay with a girl like me? He saw me, his eyes were looking at me and seeing that smile and this look made me understand my uncomfortable feeling. I couldn't listen to the Billings girls. I wanted to be with Thomas. I just wanted to be with him, no matter what …


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

As I was about to get to the door of my room, a hand grabbed me. I almost screamed but a hand stopped my scream, "It's me." I would've recognize this voice even if thousands others were speaking at the same time.

I turned and smiled, "Hey, you scared me."

"I kinda noticed." he answered with a little laugh.

I was wondering what he was doing here because he wasn't supposed to be there. "What's going on?" I asked him.

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you." he answered. _Awwn, how sweet is this?_ I smiled and started to kiss him and pulling him closer and closer to me. He kissed me back with the same energy. After a while, I finally got afraid we would've been caught, "What if we get caught?" His hands were touching my body and it felt really good. His hands were soft and I liked the way they made me feel, I liked the way he was touching my back, and my skin…

"Who cares, Reed?" he answered. _Yeah, right, who cares?_ I nodded and hugged him, my head on his chest.

He kissed my forehead and said, "Is anyone is your room?"

I smiled, knowing what he wanted to do and answered, "Yeah, Constance is probably in there."

He kinda lost his smile but still kept me in his arms, "Guess it's time to say goodbye then." His voice sounded dramatic. I looked at him, god he was so hot, and winced. I didn't want him to leave. But he had to.

I sighed, "Good night, Thomas." And I kissed his perfect lips.

He looked at me, smiling with his beautiful blue eyes and said, "Good night, Reed." He kissed my lips another time and then he left. I looked at him as he was walking away until I wasn't able to see him anymore. In a hurry, I opened my room's door and went straight to the window. I could see Thomas walking away. He suddenly stopped and looked at the window I was standing behind. He smiled again and turned away. He continued to walk to his 'home', Ketlar. As I thought, my roommate, Constance was there. Looks like she was studying which I should probably be doing too. She was looking at me in a weird way. Yeah, me coming in the room saying nothing and just staring at the window could be a little creepy.

She finally did smile, "What's so interesting about this window?"

I smiled too, thinking about him, "Well, Thomas Pearson walking to Ketlar."

She started to laugh; she knew I was dating him and she agreed with me: he was damn hot. But he was mine and she knew it. Anyway, she had Clint even if she was never talking about him.

Thinking about that, I asked, "So, you and Clint?"

She winked and said, "What, me and Clint?"

"Well, what's going on? You don't talk about him so much…" I said. She winced with a weird look. _Maybe I shouldn't have ask_…

She sighed, "I don't know. I guess I miss him."

"You guess?" I exclaimed. _How can you not know you miss someone? I mean that's the obvious thing on Earth?_

She shrugged and looked away, "I don't know, Reed. He's my boyfriend but it's been a while, maybe he's moved on." I recognized that tone; I used to use it when I didn't want to make me fake hopes. In a way, I understood Constance.

I went on, "You're not interest in another guy here, are you?"

She looked at me like I was insane, "Boys are hot but I don't think they're interest in me." I also recognized what was behind her voice: disappointment. Maybe seeing me having a boyfriend so fast made her doubt… _Poor Constance_.

I tried to smile, "Don't worry, it'll happen to you one day."

"I hope I'll meet my Thomas." she said, knowing how much I liked him. I smiled and went to bed after brushing my teeth and putting my pyjama. I talked a bit with Constance who decided to keep studying before falling asleep. I made sweet dreams. At least, I liked to believe this.

I got up at seven the next morning and took a brief shower before brushing my teeth. Constance was up and was dressing up.

She saw me and smiled. "Ready?" I asked.

"For sure." she answered. We went to the cafeteria. I was hoping to see Thomas a little before, but he didn't show. I hesitated a time before choosing between Billings table and Constance's one. Popularity or boyfriend? I mean, I knew Thomas basically hated these girls even if they were hanging out with Dash McCafferty and Josh Hollis, two of his buds. And I didn't mean to upset him or something. I knew he kinda had a problem with violence and I was trying to help him as much as I could by trying not to get him mad. I finally made my choice, reminding me what I had told myself just yesterday. I followed Constance to the table where she sat. Missy and Lorna were there. Damn, I didn't like those girls. I was able to see Noelle from where I was. She hadn't notice me yet, so I was all good. Thomas didn't show up at the cafeteria for breakfast. Neither did Josh, Thomas' roommate. _Curious … Or creepy?_ What was he doing? Was in some trouble? I became worry about Thomas. I left the cafeteria early, without taking the time to eat as I used to. I needed to see Thomas, to know if he was alright. I walked to Ketlar, thinking he might be there. I stopped by Drake, which everyone called 'Dreck' and by turning a corner, I saw him. He was circled by his usual fans, I guessed. As I started walking to join him, I saw money in his hand. In the other, there was a little bag with white pills… I knew what it was before even thinking about it. Now I knew why Thomas seemed to own the place. I was mad. No, I'm lying I wasn't mad, I was so upset and furious that I couldn't even talk or anything without wanting to hit someone (probably Thomas). I felt betrayed by the person I was counting on the most. As I was running, I ran into Constance. I almost fell in her arms. I couldn't hold on the tears that were coming out of my eyes.

"Reed!" a voice called. I knew he was coming after me and I didn't want to talk to him. He knew about my mom and how much I was against the whole thing and still, he lied. I even gave up on Billings for him… Noelle was right. Thinking about her, I felt so bad for what I had told her and did to her. She just tried to help me. And I only pushed her away, denying all the truth because I knew she was right.

"Reed," repeated the voice, slowly. I let go of Constance. I didn't want her to be involve in all of this. It was between me and Thomas. I looked at him. What made me even more mad was that he didn't even look guilty or something like this. He was acting like everything was fine and alright and it just wasn't.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"I don't wanna talk to you." I answered, coldly.

"You weren't supposed to learn this." he said. He looked sorry I had found out. Not sorry for what he was doing.

"If I hadn't find out, would you still be lying about what you are?" I replied, madly. He sighed and got near to me. I took a step back.

"Come on, Reed. It ain't that bad." he said. _Reed, come down, breathe, breathe… Take a deep breathe and just smile. _I looked at Thomas. He wasn't moving at all. A bunch of people were looking at us and it made me feel uncomfortable. Even the Billings girls were there, staring at me. Noelle had this 'I told you so' look and Ariana was looking at Thomas like she wanted to eat him. It made me feel jealous for a bit. But then I remembered that I didn't want him anymore…

"I can't even look at you." I said with a disgusted tone.

"Don't be mad, Reed, I know you like me, don't let this spilt us." he told me.

"I am mad." I answered. I looked at him.

He was about to say something when someone said, "I don't care if you deal drug, Thomas, you wanna have sex?" _Are they insane?_

Thomas looked at the girl without a smile and said, "No, I'm not interested in you."

Then he looked at me, "I wanna be with you, so let me fix it." he said.

"There's nothing to be fixed, Thomas. We're done, here."

He looked scared (or did I dream it?) and said, quickly, "You're not leaving me? You can't do this … I know you care about me … I do care about you."

I took a deep breathe and said, even if I was kind of touched by what he had said, "It's over."

I winced and it looked so real that he even took a step back. His expression wasn't cool anymore. He kinda looked afraid and not so confident at all. I heard some laughs here and there but I didn't try to figure out where they were coming; I was too busy walking away.


	4. Chapter 3

It was all over campus: senior Thomas Pearson being dumped by junior Reed Brennan in a tough way. I heard people whispering as I was walking and it was getting on my nerves so much. I didn't see Thomas for the entire day and it was better like this.

I was about to head to my room to get some peace when Noelle yelled at me, "Reed!" I didn't want to stop to wait for her, so I kept walking.

"Reed; wait for me." Her tone wasn't so patient at all so I took it as a warning and stopped walking to wait for her. She came by my side in like two second. She was alone.

"You okay?" she asked me. _Since when you care?_

I shrugged, "I'm fine." She opened the mouth to say something but I wasn't in the mood at all. "If you came here to remind me that you were right, get the hell lost, that's the last thing I need," I said. I didn't even let her the time to answer, I was already gone. She was probably surprised, so she didn't run after me but I knew she wouldn't be so friendly in like forever. _Too bad._

It was almost ten when someone knocked on the door. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't sleep. Constance was sleeping so hard that she didn't even hear the knock. I got out of bed to open the door. It wasn't a girl from my house, otherwise she wouldn't have knocked. When I opened the door, I saw the last person on Earth I expected to see here.

"Josh?" I said, surprised. His face looked tired and he didn't seem to be here for a good new. He looked pale.

"What's going on?" I asked. He made me freak out by staying silent. "Josh, what's going on?" I repeated, more worry.

He looked at me and when he opened the mouth, I knew this wasn't good at all. "I wouldn't be here if I had the choice but I don't. I know it's late, Reed but you have to come with me to Ketlar. It's Thomas," he said, gravely.

It took me a while to assimilate the information. Then, I understood he was asking me to help him with Thomas. "What? He made an overdose and you don't know what to do?" I said, ironically even if it wasn't the good time to be ironic.

Josh looked at me as if I were insane. I wanted to yell that I wasn't the one who was insane. Thomas was.

I felt mad at him, still. I didn't want to see him, and I surely didn't want to "save" him.

"No. I don't know what he took, but when I came into the room he was about to jump through the window or cut his veins with a knife. He feels so bad, Reed. I tried to convince him not to do it but he said you're the only one he wants to see. So I'm kinda begging you; can you please talk to him so he won't commit suicide?" he asked. I stared at Josh for a while. Thomas Pearson committing suicide? That didn't make any sense. That was the biggest joke ever. He would never ever do that.

"I know you think it's insane, but he's about to broke everything in the room and I'd appreciate if I could sleep on my bed tonight instead of sleeping on the floor," he added.

I didn't believe a word of this. I wanted to have Noelle's strength and just told Josh to get the hell out of my room, but I wasn't Noelle, so I just nodded and followed Josh to Ketlar. Meanwhile, I had succeed in convincing myself that I wasn't doing it for me or for Thomas. I was doing it for Josh who needed to get his night of sleep to be in shape tomorrow morning. I wasn't afraid of being caught, I was more angry with Thomas for making me live all of this. When we got into the room, Thomas wasn't here anymore. Maybe Josh did tell the truth because everything had been thrown away like someone had wanted to break everything on the walls. I came near Thomas's bed and I saw a picture. It was a picture of me. He had a picture of me on his wall, near his bed. _What the hell?_

Josh noticed my interest for the picture. "He put it there like months ago, before you even started dating," he said, answering to my silent question. I didn't add a thing, but my first thought had been _Awwww_ but I made myself shut up. It wasn't sweet at all, it was a little bit creepy if that picture had been there _before _we were officially dating. Had he been stalking me? Or had he just known that we were meant to be?

Josh looked through the window and I started to doubt what he had said. He didn't look surprised when we walked into the room and saw that Thomas wasn't there anymore. Just like he planned it.

"Where is he?" I asked Josh.

He looked embarrassed. "I don't know, I told him to stay here that I was going to look for you," Josh answered.

I noticed he was standing between the door and me so I couldn't really escape. Was he about to rape me? I kinda got afraid but it was stupid, I mean, look at the guy. He looked so childish and so innocent, how could he even think about this? No, for sure, he made me come here for a good reason. I looked at him, as I was waiting for some kind of answer, which I wouldn't get… Probably. I was looking at Josh and he was getting closer and closer to me. I didn't move. _What the hell is he doing?_ His eyes caught mines and he stared at me with some sort of adoration in his look. It kinda scared me. He touched my cheek with his hand. He was sweet but I didn't want this.

I took a step back, "What are you doing?" I wasn't ready at all to have something else with my ex boyfriend's roommate. And not with Josh. This guy, if I could trust what Noelle told me, was a freak.

He walked to me. I was stuck between him and the wall. His look freaked me out. He looked possessed or something like this. I tried to escape, but he kept me on the wall. His arms were on my body, touching everywhere, even places where Thomas's hands hadn't been yet. I wanted to scream but he kissed me, so I couldn't make a sound. I tried to make him let go of me but he didn't seem to want to let me go.

When he let go of my mouth, I asked him, totally freaked out, "What the hell are you doing?"

He looked at me without stopping touching my hips, "Because I want you, Reed, I want you so bad… Thomas didn't deserve you at all. I swear I'll treat you well. No lies with me."

And he started to kiss me again.

"Josh… Josh, stop, Josh, stop it!" I yelled.

But he didn't hear me… Or didn't wanna hear me out. I tried to slap him or hit him anywhere but I wasn't able to punch him. It was like nothing could make him let me go.

The door suddenly smashed on the wall. I tried to scream but again, Josh didn't let me the time to do this. I was almost naked. And I was scared. Then, the person who had opened the door came into the room, "You, psycho, I understand now why you wanted me to go see Reed into the woods. Because you knew she wasn't gonna be there. You, son of a bitch, get your hands off her!"


	5. Chapter 4

What was going on? Could I say I had no idea? It was like unreal. Suddenly, Josh wasn't on me anymore. He was fighting with someone else that I wasn't able to see. But I had clearly recognized the voice. I couldn't believe they were fighting over me. They were making so much noise and somebody would be alerted sooner or later. I had to stop this. This wasn't only insane, it was madness.

"Stop it!" I yelled. Didn't work. _Of course, what did you expect?_ I tried to separate them. Well, I separated them, still didn't know how. Josh was looking at me and he seemed mad, but at the same time, so vulnerable. I took a look at Thomas, because he was the one who had "saved" me. He looked so angry.

He wasn't staring at me, but at Josh. "Yeah, well you don't deserve her, look how you treated her!" Josh said to Thomas.

"I try to be as good as I can for her," Thomas replied madly.

"You sure? 'Cause if you were you would've broken up with her earlier and she'd be better without you."

I interrupted them, "Guys, I think I know more than you do what's best for me. But thanks for worrying." They both looked at me, waiting for me to go on. "Look, I just gotta go. I'll see you later."

The way I said it it was like nothing had happened. I just couldn't deal with this right now. I couldn't think that Josh had really wanted to put his hands on me like he did. I couldn't believe that he had really set me up. This didn't make any sense. Why would he do such thing? He was so nice with me. He's always been so nice. If he had asked, then maybe ... _Maybe nothing. _Nothing would have happened, but this ... This was the last thing I expected from him. The very last thing. It was almost unthinkable. This just _wasn't _Josh. It just wasn't him, he couldn't have ...

I just left the room, showing no sign of fear or weakness. Noelle would've been proud of me if she had only seen this.

The next day, I still hadn't figured out what I was going to say or what I was thinking about all of this and when I was about to came into the cafeteria, Josh grabbed my hand just before I got in. "I need to talk to you," he said.

I slowly looked at his hand on my arm. I tried so hard not to shiver and it worked. I showed no sign of weakness or fear. I freed myself from his hand. "Don't you dare coming near to her again," a voice said.

I looked back: it was Thomas. _Surprising._ He wasn't so early usually. Guess the situation changed everything. "I already told you, Thomas! I wasn't myself. You know I would never have done this! I told you there was a pill I don't usually take and I took it because I just didn't think. You know it's true."

Thomas looked at him and if a look could've kill, Josh'd be dead. "No, I don't know it, now I am telling you once again, stay away from her."

His tone made Josh understand Thomas wasn't kidding at all. I was able to feel the threat even if it wasn't for me. Josh tried to come near to me but Thomas stepped between me and him. I was glad he did. I wasn't able to see Josh anymore, it was like I couldn't handle it.

Thomas suddenly looked at me, "You okay?" he asked.

I nodded. He made a small smile, and I left them to get into the cafeteria. I didn't take a thing to eat and I sat down in front of Ariana, near to Noelle, Taylor and Kiran. "So, I heard psycho Hollis tried to rape you," Noelle said, observing my actions and reactions.

"He just kissed me," I said. I didn't want to tell her. I didn't want her to spread gossips, which she probably already had. I didn't want her to know everything. But I wondered why was I protecting Josh? He clearly hadn't just kissed me.

"But you weren't okay with it?" Ariana asked.

"No, I wasn't," I answered.

They nodded, looking at each other like they knew. _What do you think you know? _I felt like yelling.

"But you okay?" Taylor asked. She seemed to be the only one to really care ... or maybe she was a better actress than the others were, or she put more efforts into it than the others cared to.

I shrugged. "Guess so," I answered.

"Sure, Pearson came to rescue her," Noelle laughed.

I stared at her. "You don't know what you're talking about," I said, coldly. She looked at me, without saying a thing. "Anyway I'm fine so let's stop talking about it," I said, closing the subject.

I got up and walked to the door to get out. I needed some fresh air. I saw Thomas and Josh talking. They didn't see me so I got closer, just to know what they were saying. "I don't recognize you, man," Thomas said.

"Told you I wasn't controlling myself!" Josh said. So they were saying the truth.

I walked away and sat on some random rock. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. The sun was shining and it was hot outside.

"Hey, Reed, I'd like to talk to you," a voice said.

I opened my eyes. Thomas was hiding the sun from my face. I sighed. I had to talk to him soon or later. He sat down next to me, without waiting for my answer because he knew I'd have said yes. His arm touched mine and I shivered. I hoped he hadn't noticed. He didn't look at me when he started to talk.

"I want you back. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the drugs, my bad. I just thought that if you knew, you would have left me and I really needed you, still do. Please. Give me another chance."

He was almost begging me. I didn't know what to say. His eyes caught mine and they were begging me, too. I tried to resist but I couldn't; I loved him. I didn't answer. I looked at him in the eyes and got closer to him. He looked surprise, but he didn't move, waiting for me to make the move. He needed me. I needed him too. It was stupid to let this thing split us. I was about to kiss him when he pressed his lips on mine. It started slowly but I was starting to feel hotter and hotter. I was seated on him and I wanted to be as close as I could to him. My hand were in his hair, on his neck, his cheek, his back … His were everywhere. He stood up, holding me in his arms. The way he looked at me was so perfect, just like I was the only star in his world, shining for his own eyes. Before I could protest, he had taken me to his room. It made me feel sick, I had been there yesterday with his roommate looking for him. Thomas noticed and tried to make me feel better. He closed the door and let me lay on his bed. He was on me, kissing me everywhere. He suddenly stopped. "I love you, Reed," he whispered in my ear. His hands were playing with my bra and he was shirtless. I didn't answer right away. It took me like ten seconds to figure out what he said.

"I…"

"Shhh, don't say anything. Doesn't matter, I just wanna be with you."

He kissed me over and over and I knew I'd give him everything. I would give him everything I had and I would give him everything I didn't have yet. I'd give him everything he would ask for.


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry. I had already written that chapter, and I just found it. So... It's actually a complete new chapter and you shall forget the old one. Sorry about that. Won't happen again. **

* * *

Done. It was done. "Having sex with my boyfriend" check. After we did it, we had to go in class, but we didn't. We lay in his bed until dinner. I was so in love with the guy. Plus, he told me he loved me. I couldn't stop thinking about this.

"Reed, stop smiling like a dumb," Noelle said. She was mad since breakfast but no one would destroy my happiness.

"Thanks for the advice," I said. I couldn't even take it badly because I was so happy. All my thoughts were to Thomas.

The Billings girls and I were having dinner in the cafeteria when Dash came in with Thomas and Josh. I noticed these two were barely talking to each other. Thomas came and sat near me, on the seat at my left and he kissed my lips as a hello. Noelle was looking at me in a weird way; I hadn't told her I was back with Thomas yet. Dash sat near Noelle and kissed her on the cheek as a hi.

Josh sat at my right and I tried not to look at him. "Reed, I am so sorry," he said.

"She knows. Leave her alone," Noelle yelled.

I stared at Noelle. "Don't listen to Noelle, Josh. It's all right. I forgive you," I told him. The words were said before I even thought about it. I forgave Josh for trying to rape me. Yeah, he didn't, he only kissed me. But what if Thomas hadn't been there? The only thought made me shiver and Thomas noticed it and put his arm around me as a protection. I looked at Josh and tried to smile. I couldn't be mad at Josh. I couldn't be scare of him. He looked so inoffensive, but from what he showed me, I knew his other face. I would just stay away from him for awhile that was a good idea.

It was awkward between Josh and me. I could feel it. But I tried not to show it.

"You coming?" Thomas's voice said. I turned the head and looked at him. He was begging me to come with him because he was sick of either Billings girls or Josh and I trying to have a conversation as we used to.

I shrugged. "Yeah, okay, see you guys later," I told everyone else.

Josh was staring at me as I was getting up. I tried to forget his look was making me feel uncomfortable. Thomas took my hand as we were walking out the cafeteria. I heard people whispering around us, seeing we were together again.

Once we were out, Thomas sat down on a bench and I sat down next to him. He put his arm around me and I put my head on his chest. "I'm sorry, Reed," he said. I looked at him, confused. Why would he be sorry? And about what? My eyes became suspicious thinking at all the girls that probably wanted to have sex with him after I broke up with him. But that was part of the past, right? And… We weren't together if it happened so it's not like he cheated on me.

I looked at him, waiting for his answer to the question I hadn't asked out loud. "If I'd be faster, you would still be friend with Josh," he said.

"But we are friends," I answered.

His look was guilty and I knew he felt guilty for not protecting me as he wished.

"'No, it ain't okay. I'm so sorry I shouldn't have lie to you," he continued.

"Yeah, right but now I know and… Guess we'll deal with it," I said.

He tried to smile but his eyes weren't smiling as usual.

I kissed his lips for a quick kiss. "Don't be like that. It's okay. I'll work it out, I'll find a way to fix it. Josh didn't wanna hurt me, he only kissed me," I reminded him.

"That's the problem, he knew I wasn't ready to let you go," Thomas said.

"Let's forget about it, will ya?" I said.

He sighed. "How can you say this? He … I know he wanted more from you than just a kiss and you know it too," he added, more aggressive.

"Maybe, Thomas, but he didn't rape me you showed up on time. It's all right, I swear it's okay," I told him.

He pushed me away. I looked at him but didn't try to get near him. His breath was faster than usual and he seemed to be outta control. But if he had lost control, he calmed down very easily.

"Okay, Reed," he finally said. He came closer to me and kissed my right cheek. His blue eyes seemed to be so sorry even if I told him not to be. I smiled to him and he smiled back.

He hugged me and he kissed my forehead. "I gotta go," he said.

I looked at him. "What, your clients are waiting for you?" I said, being sarcastic.

But the way he stayed silent made me understand I was right. "So what? Your clients are more important than me, your girlfriend?" I said. Now I was insulted.

"I can't miss the appointment, Reed, those people aren't kidding," he said, trying to justify himself.

I stared at him. "Then, go," I told him. My tone was so cold, it made him back off.

He tried to kiss me but I avoided the kiss. He sighed, "Don't be mad, honey."

I noticed how he called me; it was the first time he called me like that. I couldn't handle the smile I was trying to keep inside. I was happy he didn't call me like sexy or whatever. Just honey. Sweet I noticed he was still looking at me like he was waiting for me to say "yes".

"I'll catch you up later," he promised.

"My room? Or yours?" I said with a smile.

He whispered to my ear, "If you can make sure your roommate won't come, yours. But I doubt it so I'll say mine," he told me. He looked at his cell phone for the time. "Meet me there in two hours," he said.

"I'll be there," I answered. He smiled, kissed me another time and he left. I looked at him as he faded away.

I saw someone sitting down on the bench, next to me, taking Thomas' place. It was Josh.

"Look, I don't like the awkward thing that's between us. I am so sorry, Reed, I wish I'd never did it, I don't know why I did it…" he apologized.

"Josh; it's okay I told you I forgave you earlier. I meant it. Let's put it behind and stop talking about it," I said, smiling.

He looked at me, surprised. "Really?"

"Sure," I said. He smiled and I smiled back. He suddenly looked shy and stopped looking at me which I thought was weird. What was on his mind? _Can't tell._ He was mysterious.

He looked left and right and avoided my look and said, "Will you be mad if I told you that … I meant to do what I did to you?"

I stared at him. He had to be kidding. He couldn't truly wanted to rape me. What the hell was he saying! "What?" I exclaimed, starting to freak out.

He looked at me. "Yeah, I really wanted to kiss you and I'll give my left arm jus to do it again, right now…" His look was full of pain. I didn't say a thing. He was getting closer and closer to me, to my lips.

He was about to kiss me when I pushed him away. "I can't. I love Thomas," I whispered before leaving in a hurry.


	7. Chapter 6

**If you could read the Chapter 5 again, that would be great because I changed it. It's not the same at all. I found the original chapter I had written, so I replaced it. If you don't, you might not exactly understand what's going on here. Sorry. Hope you'll like that chapter. I'll update more often from now on. **

* * *

When I met Thomas in his room, the only thing I wanted to tell him was that I loved him. Josh made me realize it. _After freaking you out by saying he wanted to kiss you over and over. _Mmm, yeah. I almost ran into him to hug him. Surprised, he backed off asking if everything was all right. I shook my head no. He took me in his arms and lay on his bed with me by his side.

"Tell me," he said.

I looked at the ceiling.

"You were right about Josh," I told him.

Thomas suddenly sat up straight, glancing at me with a look I had never seen. "Imma kill this guy!" he exclaimed. He was so angry. He got out of the bed, standing near to it as he wanted to put more distance between us.

I stood up too. "No, Thomas!" I said, freaked out.

I had never heard such of things coming out of his mouth. He tried to take deep breath but it didn't look like it worked. He started to punch everything, except me. I didn't know what else to do, so I almost jumped on him to hold his hands. To keep him away from breaking everything in the room.

"Thomas! Stop! Thomas! Stop it!" I screamed.

He looked at me and saw how panicked I was. He stopped to resist and let go, and fell on the bed, his head between his hands. He was almost shaking when I sat down near to him to comfort him.

"Don't…," he said as a warning. I didn't listen to him. I was just trying to be there for him just like I'd like him to be for me. He finally calmed down and it made me understand he had a problem with anger. I decided not to mention it in case he might get mad again.

"You okay?" I asked. He nodded, slowly like he was shy. He looked at me and his beautiful blue eyes showed me how sorry he was for this. And I knew he wasn't only sorry for this little crisis. He was more than sorry, maybe for things I didn't even know myself or things I couldn't understand.

"It's okay," I said.

He half-smiled. It was already late and it was time for me to go to my room. Thomas didn't want me to leave but I had to.

"Good night," I told him as I was kissing him. He kept me close to him like he never wanted to let me go. _Wish he never let me go._

He whispered in my ear, "Good night, Reed. I'll dream of you."

I looked at him in the eyes and said, "I love you."

He looked a bit surprised but he answered, "I love you, too." And he kissed me another time. And then I left. I was almost flying. I had told him! And he had said it back to me! Oh my God I was so excited.

I came into my room with a happy smile. So happy that even Constance tried to know what was going on, "Why are you smiling like this?" she asked. I was pretty sure she knew the answer but looked like she wanted to know all the details, probably to gossip about it later with girls that were way more popular than she would ever be, but I didn't mind. At that precise moment, it felt like I wouldn't mind anything.

I smiled, "I think I'm in love."

She smiled too and sighed. "You're so lucky, Reed, you found him, you look so happy with him," she confessed. I felt touched by what she said. Right, Thomas made me _so_ happy. It was like nothing else could destroy my joy.

"He makes me more than happy," I said. I was thinking of him, of all the things he had said. He was just more than amazing. I had that dumb smile on my face for so long.

I finally went to sleep. Next day, when I woke up, I felt high. I couldn't wait to see Thomas. When I came to the cafeteria, I noticed the Billings girls were already there. I didn't know if I had to join them or not. I decided it was better for me not to so I sat down at a lonely table after taking some food to eat. About five minutes later, I saw Noelle coming. She sat in the chair in front of me. "What you doing?" I asked her.

"Why don't you sit with us?" she asked back.

"Because she eats with me," Thomas's voice interrupted her.

Noelle looked at her and she stood up. Then, she glanced at me, "You better join us, Reed." That wasn't an advice it was a threat.

I decided to stand up for what I thought was right and said, "Don't hope for me anytime soon." Her face became so mad I thought she was about to slap me. But she just walked away.

Thomas sat down in front of me, impressed, "Wow, I thought you wanted to be friends with them."

"I do, but I don't like how they treat me," I said. _Like I was shit or piece of garbage._

Thomas nodded and took an apple to bite in it. I started to eat too. My eyes met Ariana's and I looked away. Her eyes made me feel awkward.

"Seriously, what's going on with you and Ariana? She looks at me like she wanna kill me," I said.

"Maybe she should try; just to see what I'll do to her," Thomas answered, quickly. I wasn't even able to smile. There was some sort of mystery I didn't even know where it came from.

"Stop thinking about Ariana and me, will ya?" he said.

I nodded, "I'll try."

He half-smiled like he didn't believe me. I looked up to the sky and then back to him. He was eating his apple and he wasn't looking at me anymore. "I gotta go, see you later," I said suddenly before walking away, without even kissing him goodbye or waiting for him to say something back.

I went out the cafeteria and walked to a bench in a lonely place and let myself dropped on it. I didn't know for how long I stayed there but people came after a while. They couldn't see me because I was hidden by some trees but I could hear their voices.

"I thought we had agreed on what to do," a voice said.

"We did, but maybe I liked doing it and I wanted to do it again," the other voice answered.

It couldn't be true. I decided to listen to the rest of the conversation before showing up.

"I swear to God I won't touch her, I was just kidding."

"You better …"

"I'll never do this to you and you know it."

"Yeah… I hope she'll stay with me forever. Like, I think I might really be in love this time…"

"Not like with…"

"Just don't even say her name. Me and her we're over."

"Yeah, right just look how she looks at you. And tell me it's over!"

"It is over. Anyway, I'll find her later and explains her you weren't serious so she'll still be your friend."

"All right but if she ever finds out that we planned the fake rape just to bring you two back together, she won't be so happy."

"Yeah, ya right but how is she gonna find out?"

That was more than I could handle. I showed up, surprising both of them and said, holding back my tears, "Too late."


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I ran away. I was running. I tried to run away from my problems. I couldn't even believe it. I didn't want to bring myself to believe it.

I avoided Thomas and Josh all day long. I couldn't—or didn't want to—believe what they said. They planned the rape thing? What? So that Thomas could save me and be the hero. He knew I'd fall for him again so easily. And like a virgin I fell into the trap. How could I have been so blind? I knew Josh would never ever do things like that… Love had made me blind. On my way back to my room, Noelle was there like she was waiting for me or something. When I saw her, I sighed. She was the last thing I needed.

"Tell me you were right, and I was wrong and go away, please. I'm tired, and I'm having a bad day, and I'm so not in the mood to play games with you," I said with a violent tone.

I stopped walking when I was by her side. She looked at me, almost taking a step back when I spoke. I had been mad but never like this. _I'm not only mad, I'm also heartbroken._ True.

She finally nodded after a moment of silence, "I just wanted to make sure you were all right," she said, with a sweet smile.

I sighed, "I'm not all right," I reminded her. How could I possibly be all right? _No way._ Sure, no way.

"I'll be there for you, Reed if you need to talk…," she offered.

I looked at her, shocked. Not a word got out from my mouth, I was voiceless. Then, she walked away. I got in my room and went straight to bed. I had already done my homework, and I didn't feel like studying. Constance came a few minutes later and looked surprised to see me.

"What you doin' here? I thought you were with your boyfriend," she said.

"Ex boyfriend," I corrected, automatically.

"What? But you two were back together…," she said.

"And now we are broken up," I replied, more aggressively.

Constance took a step back, and the look on her face made me understand she was sort of terrorized. Sure I wasn't being really nice to her. She didn't add a thing, and I felt guilty about treating her this way, but I didn't apologize. I would do it later. I wanted to stay in my bed for days but I couldn't. So the next day I had to get up. When I woke up, I felt sick. Like I was about to throw up or something. I just had the time to run to the toilet to vomit in it.

"Reed, you okay?" Constance's voice asked. She was worried about me. She had already forgotten our fight from last night. I tried to smile when she came in. I flushed the toilet and got up. I looked at my reflect in the mirror, I was horrible.

"I don't know, it's been awhile since I haven't been sick. Guess my luck isn't with me anymore," I told her.

She half-smiled and she came near to me. "If something was wrong you'd tell me?" she asked.

I looked at her and nodded, "Yeah," I assured. Anyway I had nothing to hide, since everybody seemed to know everyone's story. I suddenly felt like throwing up again. I vomited again into the toilet. Constance held my hair. I flushed the toilet and got up. I didn't feel good, and I was looking horrible. I was pale and scary.

Constance gave me a worry look, "You sure you'll be okay?" she asked again. I was hoping I would, but I didn't want to go in class today. I mean, throwing up in front of the entire class… Not my thing.

"You think I can actually stay here today? I don't feel good," I asked Constance.

She shrugged and it seemed like she was thinking of it. "I guess it's all right if you're sick. I'll tell your teachers you're sick," she promised. I thanked her, and she left for class. I got into my bed. I tried to close my eyes and get some sleep, but I couldn't. Why was I being sick? I was never sick. It had been like ten years I hadn't thrown up. Something had to be going on. Yeah, but something like what? Maybe I had eaten something not fresh yesterday. _That must be this_, I didn't see any other explanation.

Constance came by the room for dinner. She had brought me lunch.

"Oh, thanks, it's so nice of you," I thanked her.

She smiled, "Teachers hope you'll be feeling better soon," she said.

"Yeah and me too," I said. I had no idea what was going on with me but I didn't feel like eating even if the food Constance had brought me made me feel famished.

She looked at me for a second, and she walked to the door, "I should be going," she said. I nodded and she left the room. As soon as she got out, I put away the plate she brought. Maybe I would eat it later. But I knew I wouldn't. Now the food made me want to throw up again. _You're under pressure with the Thomas thing and your_ _parents… And Josh, and Noelle, and Ariana… Just chill out._ Yeah, there was so many thoughts in my head. First, for Josh-Thomas thing. I overheard their conversation yesterday. If I trusted what they said, they sort of planned this. They planned that Josh would come to pick me up at my house saying that Thomas needed me. And Thomas perfectly knew I wasn't over him. So he knew I'd come. And he organized everything. Now it made sense. That picture of me, he must just have put it there so I'd be more open for him. And then he thought that if he could save me from something dangerous I'd be so grateful that I would get back with him. That was where Josh came to "rape" me. And then Thomas came into the room, saving me from the devil. Who wouldn't have fallen again for the guy? This made sense now. But still; I didn't get why Josh pretended to be on some drug and told me after he wanted to start all over because, according to Thomas's reaction, that wasn't part of the plan.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I knew Thomas might stop by my room. I knew it, but I never really thought he'd actually do it. So when someone knocked on my door, I thought it might be Noelle who decided to be nice. But when I opened the door, I had a bad surprise. I took a step back when I recognized Thomas at my door. If I had been Noelle I would have slammed the door right away. But I clearly wasn't her because I even let him in.

Constance wasn't here, _Lucky me, she's not, _so I didn't hide. She knew we were broken up, I told her. _Sure, after hearing me cry all night long. _

I sighed and closed the door after he came in. I looked at him without looking in his eyes that were so sorry and so guilty and so full of tenderness. I looked away and stared at the window.

He was embarrassed, so was I, "Okay, Thomas could you just please make it quick?" I asked.

He sighed and when he spoke, I knew he was surprised by my reaction. That didn't sound like me. "Hmm, yeah I can try," he hesitated.

"You better," I said. "I have other things to do." I had said it like he was nothing to me anymore. I so wished it was true. I wished he understood I was done with him. Clearly he wasn't done with me, and he didn't understand.

"Look, Reed, I screwed up, all right? I didn't know what else to do to get you back. I just … I couldn't live without you. Since you are in my life, I feel like everything is clear, and I feel alive for once," he told me. His voice was full of emotion, and I knew he was sincere. I felt such a loser to break his hope, but I couldn't be with this guy.

"Thomas, I really don't care anymore. I can't even imagine you let Josh be part of this. That thing between us is over, you hear me? I don't want to be with you anymore. How could you do this to me? And to your friend? What is he? Your slave? Thomas you can't… I … I don't even recognize you," I told him, totally overwhelmed with everything that had happened.

Thomas took a step forward, getting closer to me. I wanted to take a step back, but then I'd figured he'd know I wasn't truly over with him, so I didn't move, and I stood up right in front of him, trying to avoid his look. I felt like he was scanning me. I wished I could forget about what happened and just be in his arms. But that wouldn't be right to do this. It wouldn't be the right thing to do.

"If you are really done with me, then look at me in the eyes and tell me," he said slowly.

I didn't like his tone, just like he unmasked me. "Just get out," I whispered. "There's nothing else to say."

"I'm sorry, Reed, I really am. I wish I had a better idea than this. You know, I felt so screwed when you left me that night that I didn't think of the consequences. I only knew that I wanted to be with you. Reed, you know I love you, and if there's any chance for you to forgive me, then I'll stay and fight. Just tell me how you feel." I stayed in silence, and he sighed. I thought he would give up and walk out the door, but he went on, "You have all the rights to be mad at me. I deserve it; I've been a jerk. But just tell me, please, will ya?" he asked.

It was like he was begging me. But I couldn't fail; I had to be strong. I looked at him in the eyes and took a deep breath. His eyes were begging me. _He is so adorable, am I really about to do this?_ I closed my eyes for like two seconds and opened 'em up again, hoping this might be just a nightmare. Sadly it wasn't, and Thomas was really waiting for my answer. So I did what I had to do.

"We are over. I'm done with you," I told him, slowly, saying every word separately just to be sure he got the message and just so it hurt more. That was so uncool, I knew it but I couldn't help it. He hurt me so much, why couldn't I torture him a bit?

I saw his face. His broken look. I saw the way he looked at me. And it broke my heart too. Thomas just nodded. I thought he was about to cry, but he just walked away without saying a word. When he got out, I started to cry. I couldn't stop the river that was coming out of my eyes.

I sat down near the window and hugged a pillow instead of Thomas's body and I cried. When I turned my eyes to see through the window, I noticed someone was looking at me, but I didn't get to see who it was…

It was really over. I tried to breath and to be a good girl. But I couldn't. I knew Thomas wasn't a good guy. He wasn't. He planned some creepy thing to have me back, but in some way I thought it was adorable; it showed he really cared, didn't it? But on the other hand, I had nothing to do with this guy and from what I've heard, he didn't stay long with the same girl. I heard some girls gossiping. Thomas was always planning creepy things, that wasn't a secret for anyone. What was new was that he kept fighting to get me back. People thought it was about sex first, like he didn't sleep with me and he couldn't let go of me before doing it. Thing was that we had had sex and he was still coming around. Well; he had been. He wouldn't come around anymore. _Not after the way you turned him down_. Yeah, maybe I was rough on him. But I had to.

Constance came into the room. She sat down near to me, "So it's really over this time," she said. It wasn't a question. It was like she knew it.

I nodded, holding back my tears, "Yes it is." My tears couldn't be held back anymore, and they came out of my eyes. Constance hugged me and whispered me sweet things.

But I couldn't stop crying, "I love him so much, Constance…" I told her, between two cries.

"Then why did you break up with him?" she asked.

"I couldn't be with him after what he planned. Noelle wouldn't be okay with this," I said.

"Noelle? She has nothing to do with this. Reed, it's your life, and if you think Thomas can be change, then you should work it out with him," Constance told me.

"Constance I can't … It wouldn't be healthy."

"Healthy? What's the point?"

"Loving too much isn't healthy; Constance. And I feel like I would do everything for him."

I didn't sleep much that night. My thoughts were all to Thomas. I had to stop thinking about him but I couldn't. And in the dark night, I suddenly wished I was with Thomas so I could whispered at his ear a sweet, "I'll always love you … No matter what."


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Had a good night?" Noelle asked when she saw me at the cafeteria.

I didn't answer, I only nodded.

"You don't take anything to eat?" Taylor noticed.

I shrugged and didn't even answer. I knew I was being a jerk but I didn't feel like answering their stupid questions. Couldn't they just leave me alone? That's just what I needed. I stayed silent the whole time the Billings girls were eating.

Dash McCafferty came in with Josh Hollis. Thomas wasn't with them. _Lucky me. _They took some food, and they came sit with us. Dash sat right in front of me which was unusual because he used to sit next to Noelle. She was upset, I could tell. Josh sat next to Dash, between him and Noelle. He didn't feel so comfortable. I felt Dash's look was on me. I looked at him. He was looking at me, like he never did before. His eyes were full of … Worry? He was worried about me? Oh, God, please… He couldn't. _Must be your imagination_… Sure, must be that. He kept staring at me like he wanted to tell me something but couldn't because of the Billings girls. They were almost over eating.

Ariana took a look at me and Dash, staring at each other, "What's going on there? Reed? Dash?" she asked, suspicious.

I didn't even answer, but I looked away, avoiding Noelle's eyes. Dash didn't answer neither.

"We'll go. We'll let you all alone," Noelle decided after a few seconds. She and her friends got up and left. Noelle didn't even say a word to Dash who didn't seem to mind.

Josh looked at Dash, not knowing if he had to go too, "You should go too, I'll catch you up later. Maybe you can wake up lazy Pearson," he suggested to Josh, to make him go away. Josh looked at me before he left like he was warning me. Of what? No idea.

"Don't you eat?" Dash asked.

I shrugged, "No, I'm not hungry," I answered. Why did he make everyone leave? Not to ask me if I was eating or not.

Dash stopped eating and stared at me. His eyes were kind to me, "I saw Thomas getting in your house yesterday. I also saw him get out," he started. I immediately knew what he was about to say. "And I saw you crying at your window holding that pillow," he finished.

I looked at Dash with that broken look I tried so hard to hide.

"Yeah, he came to talk to me yesterday," I told him. Why deny this? He had seen it. Dash tried to smile but his heart wasn't there. "What did you wanna say?" I asked.

"Thomas told me what happened," Dash explained.

I sighed, "Did he send you this morning to convince me to get back with him?" I croaked.

Dash said "no" with his head, "No, not at all, I came here to talk to you by my own. He talked to me yesterday and you really broke his heart."

I tried not to cry. "Oh, he has one? Great news," I joked.

Dash gave me a disgusted look, saying like "how can you be kidding about this?".

"You're not that girl. You should think about it, Reed before you make a terrible mistake. Yesterday was the first time I heard Thomas talking about a girl with his heart," Dash revealed before getting up. I didn't say a thing. "I'll go. Think about it, please. I can see you're not over him," Dash told me.

And he left. It was unbelievable. Dash McCafferty, Noelle's boyfriend and Thomas's best friend just talked to me about getting back with Thomas?

As I was heading to my room, I suddenly felt sick. I had to run until my room to vomit into the toilet.

"Sick again?" Constance's voice said. I couldn't answer, I was a bit too busy.

When I felt less sick, I got up and went to class. I was a bit late, but the teacher I had, in mathematics, said it was all right when I explained. The day was long.

When I got back to my room, Constance was in there, she had a box of Tampax in her hand. And it clicked. I ran to my calendar and started counting days.

"What you doing?" she asked.

I was late. Like, really late. _No this just can't be true._ I took a step back and fell on my bed. I stayed there, staring at nothing, without answering to Constance who was freaked out.

"What's the problem, Reed?" she asked again, worried. I looked at her, almost shivering. I couldn't say it out loud. It just couldn't be true. That couldn't be happening. Not to me. Especially to me. And not right now.

"No, no, no…" I mumbled.

"What?" Constance panicked.

I took a deep breath, "Constance, I'm late on my period…" I told her.

She looked at me with big eyes. She didn't know I had sex. "Ehhhhh… You and…" she said, trying to make me understand her question.

I quickly nodded, "I am so late, Constance, what the hell am I gonna do?" I panicked.

She came near me to calm me down, "First you need to calm down. Doesn't mean you're…" she tried to make me feel better. She couldn't even say the word. How was I supposed to handle it?

"I'm late of like two weeks," I reminded her.

She winced, "So you think that's why you were…"

"… Sick all the time? Yeah. Now I feel even sicker," I said.

"You gotta take the test… The … You know, the test," she said.

"Yeah… Maybe. But I don't want this. Everyone will know… I don't want them to know, don't tell anyone please!" I begged her.

"I won't tell anyone but shouldn't you tell the father?"

"No need if I have an abortion."

"He should know… Reed, maybe this is your chance to work this out," she said.

"By having a baby?" I yelled.

She took a step back behind my anger. I was out of my mind. I couldn't tell anyone. That was a shame. Everyone will think I was a slut. Maybe I was…

"You need to tell Thomas, Reed… You really do," Constance said.

I knew she was right…


	11. Chapter 10

It had been a week I'd talked to Constance about … My, hmm, my problem. I hadn't work it out yet. _Don't know how. _Yeah, I had no idea how to deal with it. I obviously couldn't tell anyone. I didn't trust the Billings girls for this, and I was pretty sure to be right about this.

Thomas was avoiding me. I wasn't hanging out with Josh anymore because he was with Thomas all the time. By the way; Thomas looked like depressed. But when he was seeing me, he always managed it to have a girl by his side to let me know he was so over me. I admitted it, I was jealous, so jealous, but I didn't say a word. What could I say anyway? Nothing.

Days went by, and I soon realized that if I didn't make a decision soon it would be too late for me to have an abortion.

One night, I talked with Constance about it, "Constance… You … Can you come with me tomorrow to the drug store?" I asked her.

"Sure," she answered, not looking at me.

"I will go buy the P test," I told her, apprehending her reaction when she would realize I hadn't do a damn thing about my problem.

She nodded. She was distracted by this guy she was chatting with, Witt. "Okay, Reed I'll go with you," she assured.

I sat on my bed, waiting for her to realize what I just had said. "And I might tell Dash," I added.

As I knew she would do, she suddenly stopped typing on the keyboard and looked at me with big eyes. She was like "no you didn't do this". I half-smiled when she opened the mouth, "What? You and… I thought it was with …" She couldn't even finish her sentences.

"Dash. Thomas. You can say their names," I said, sarcastic.

She made a poor smile, "You slept with Dash?" she asked. She knew exactly what I was destined to if I had done this. She knew Noelle would've kill me. But her eyes weren't suspicious. They were more curious than anything else.

"No, I didn't. It was just to catch your attention," I laughed.

Her laugh joined mine, "You scared me," she told me.

I shrugged. "No, seriously I might tell Thomas. About… You know," I explained. "I think he has the right to know that I'm gonna have an abortion."

Constance sighed and looked at me, "You really don't wanna keep the baby?" she asked.

I looked at her in a weird way and frowned. Keep the baby? Was she insane?

"Constance I'm fifteen. I won't keep a baby!" I yelled.

"I was just saying," she whispered.

I sighed, "Doesn't matter."

She looked at me in the eyes, completely attentive to me and not to her keyboard or her computer screen. "You should tell him. Right now before you chicken up," she advised me.

I nodded. She was right. I looked at the clock fixed on the wall. It was seven. Perfect time to go to Ketlar. But I didn't know if I wanted to. I took a deep breath. I had to do it. You have to, I kept telling myself.

"Okay, I'll go," I said. I got up and walked to the door, "Wish me good luck!"

"Good luck," she said with a nice smile.

I got out of my house and walked straight to Ketlar. Almost nobody was outside, it was study time. As usual, some guys were messing here and there with some girlie girls.

When I got into Ketlar, no one stopped me. The guys were all looking at me like I was insane. I caught one of them looking at my stomach, or was it a way lower? Or higher? Anyway I immediately put my hands on my belly thinking it might looked filled. I walked straight to Thomas's room, ignoring things some voices had said.

I knocked at his door. Josh opened it after a few seconds. He seemed to be surprised I was here. He looked uncomfortable.

"Can I talk to Thomas?" I asked him without saying hi.

"He ain't here," Josh answered. He looked sorry for me, and I started to feel suspicious about Thomas being outside his room.

"Tell him I stopped by, will ya? I need to talk to him," I explained to Josh.

He nodded, "Sure I will," he promised.

My turn to nodded. I smiled a little at Josh. I didn't know what to say to him. Like I knew it was being uncomfortable and awkward between us, and I didn't know how to forget the past.

"Then, have fun studying," I said as a goodbye.

He smiled, "You too. Good night, Reed."

"Good night, Josh," I whispered before walking away. I didn't hear his door closing right away so I wondered if he was looking at me. I turned myself, and he was. He was looking at me with this thing in the eyes I didn't like. With this adoration… Like he liked me or something.

I turned away and walked out Ketlar. While I was walking, I got near to Dreck, and I heard voices. I was sure I recognized Thomas's. He was with another girl… It felt like my heart was ripping all over again. It broke again. I was feeling so bad and jealous. I didn't even care about being silent or not. I wanted him to notice I was there. That I heard. I just wanted to see his face so I could hit him. Hot rage rose inside of me. I needed to hit something like I never did before.

"Who's there?" a voice asked.

When I recognized the voice, I thought I would never believe it. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't supposed to be true. I didn't move. I didn't even talk. I couldn't. I just stayed there until they both came out of the old building. When I saw them together holding hands, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to yelled, to scream, to hit him so bad to make me feel like this. I felt like crap. How could he do this to me? They were holding hands but her face looked way happier than his. His look was dead. And maybe that was where I found the strength to smile.

"Oh, Reed," Thomas whispered like a kid caught doing something bad.

I felt like he tried to freed his hand but she didn't let him. She made me that hypocrite smile I had always hated. I really did hate her right now. She had no rights to do this. Thomas was mine. She couldn't take him. _Remember you broke up with him._ Oh shut up you voices. The moment was so awkward that I decided to leave.

"Thomas, Josh will tell you something," I told him. "Listen to him, please. It's important."

He nodded, "Is there something wrong?" he asked with this worry tone. I loved when he took that tone. It meant he cared…

"I just need to talk to you."

He frowned.

"Thomas, you coming?" she asked.

He looked at her and his look was so cold that I would've backed off immediately. "Go, I'll catch you up later," he told her.

She frowned and winced. I knew how she felt. I never thought she was on him like this. She looked at me and made me a winner smile, "Good night, Reed." The way she said my name was almost mean.

"Bye, Ariana," Thomas said, coldly.

Ariana Osgood and Thomas Pearson were really having a story.

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Thank you,** billings girl, **for reviewing last chapter! Hope you liked it!


	12. Chapter 11

He was looking at me with this look that I hated to see. The look that always made me feel guilty or bad about him. _Stop looking at me like this, please… Will ya?_ But I didn't say it out loud. He tried to come near to me, but I instinctively took a step back. He understood that I didn't want to be close to him anymore, and he looked at his feet. The only thing I wanted to do was to hug him and kiss him until we both couldn't breath anymore, but I didn't.

"What do you want to tell me?" he asked.

I didn't know how to tell him. But I decided to go straight to the point, "Remember the night we had sex?"

He nodded, "How can I forget?"

"Well… I don't know how to tell you but … I think I might be pregnant," I added quickly. I couldn't face him.

He stayed silent for so long that I thought he was gone. I looked up to see him and realized he was doing the same. He seemed surprised, uncertain, stunned, completely taken off guard.

"You are what?" he said.

"I might be pregnant," I repeated with a lower voice. He didn't answer. He didn't even say a thing, like he didn't know what to say or how to react to this. Surprise was written all over his face. And something else but I couldn't name it. I was looking at him, waiting for an answer that didn't seem to be on its way. "Of course, if I really am, I'll take care of the problem," I added.

"Take care of it? You mean you'll have an abortion?" he exclaimed. He didn't seem to agree with his words, but he didn't seem to be okay with the fact that he might be a father, just like he didn't truly want me to have the abortion, but he didn't truly want to deal with a kid either. "I really don't know what to say," he finally admitted.

I sighed. He got closer to me, and this time I didn't take a step back. He put his fingers on my chin to make me look at him in the eyes. In these blue eyes I tried so hard to avoid. I tried to resist, but he didn't give up. And I finally met his eyes. "You'll be okay. It'll be fine during the abortion," he assured.

I looked at him. He couldn't really be saying this. "So I was right when I thought you didn't truly love me," I said, backing off. I looked away and made his hand go off my chin. He wasn't supposed to touch me anymore. "And I was right about you and Ariana," I added. I felt so betrayed. I really did. I didn't want to cry in front of him so I hold my tears back. I had to be strong. I had to show him that he didn't have any kind of power over me. Not anymore.

"What? No you are wrong. I loved you and still do," he said.

"Yeah, I believe you," I mumbled.

"I swear," he said.

"I don't fucking care, Thomas!" I cried. "How could you do this to me? I think I deserved the truth and you lied! I hate you, I really do. I don't even know how I could love you! You are a jerk. I hope you'll be happy with your girl because I ain't gonna be one of 'em anytime soon. I just wanted to tell you for the baby because I thought you might be supportive. Guess I was wrong," I added. I was so pissed right now it wasn't the time to try arguing with me.

"It's your hormones," he said.

"Yeah, you can thank them because otherwise, it would have been worse," I replied. I was being a jerk myself but I didn't even care. I wanted to break his heart the way he broke mine.

"You don't really think what you're saying," he explained. He hadn't understood a single thing at all, did he?

"Oh no I really do," I riposted. I didn't want to look at him, I knew he would look at me with this face that he knew I just couldn't resist. And I needed to be strong tonight. I couldn't be weak. "Anyway, why do you care?" I said. "It's not like I'm gonna be a problem." I knew he was looking at me. In a way I was, too, but I wasn't looking in his eyes. I was looking lower.

"You know I care, Reed," he whispered.

"Yeah, I can see this. You care so much that you have new girlfriend Ariana to help you getting over me," I replied. I was stuck on this. I couldn't believe this. I couldn't be with the Billings girls knowing this. So she loved him. It made sense now. It explained why she didn't want me around him. And the way they were looking at each other. I'd been just a fun game for Thomas. When I thought I was more, I just wasn't.

"I ain't with Ariana," he told me.

"I don't care."

"You're a very bad liar."

I avoided his look, "I don't even know why I came here to talk to you."

"Because you still care. Reed, why don't we forget the past? I can't stop thinking about you."

"If you hadn't been with Ariana like five minutes ago, I would've believe you. But this, it's just more than what I can take," I said.

"Me and Ariana, we had a secret story, I couldn't tell you because I was ashamed of it. I mean, the girl is a freak and I had to see her tonight to clear things up," he explained.

"That wasn't the only thing you were cleaning," I replied.

"I'm telling you, Reed. I love you, now. Since I have met you, you're the only one I see. I made mistakes, but I still think we can work it out, don't you think?"

I couldn't forget Ariana, "She was holding your hand!" I reminded him.

He sighed. "Forget about her," he said. "She's everything you're not, and since I love you, I can't be with her. I just had to tell her that I'll do everything I can to get you back."

"I don't know if you can get me back, Thomas," I whispered.

"Why? I'll do whatever it takes," he promised.

"I think it's better for both of us if we are apart," I said, slowly.

In fact, I just wouldn't survive if he broke my heart another time. I knew I loved him too much to be safe. It was better if we had separated lives. It sounded bright to do this. But even I couldn't follow my brain. It told me to slap him and go. My heart was telling me something else. To make him suffer. So hard. I wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling at this moment.

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Thank you _**billings girl, **_for the lovely review! xx


	13. Chapter 12

"How you doing?" Constance asked.

I came back in the room late yesterday. I was crying. Thomas saw it. He knew I was fighting with myself about him. So he saw hope. I couldn't blame him. But I didn't want him to realize I wasn't over him at all. _Will I ever be?_ First broken heart wasn't easy to forget and get over. But at least, Thomas was trying. Which I kinda appreciated. Even if I shouldn't.

"Fine," I answered. I was actually preparing myself to face him again.

I would have to face Ariana which I just couldn't take. I went to the cafeteria without waiting for Constance. I knew I had to deal with this on my own. I saw Josh before going into the cafeteria. He looked worried.

"Hi, Josh," I said.

He looked at me and smiled, "Hey, Reed."

He was waiting for me, or so it looked. He knew what had happened yesterday—Thomas must have told him. And he wanted me to know that he was there if I needed any support.

"Thank you but I'll be all right," I assured. I knew I wouldn't be, but no one had to know. He looked at me and it was like he knew I was lying. He took my hand, and he kissed it as a gentleman would've done in the past.

He kissed me on the cheek, "Count on me, Reed. Always," he promised. He gave me my hand back and took a step back. His look was kind and adorable. I was glad we had worked out the rape thing. There wasn't any awkward moment between us, now.

During the week, Josh supported me all along. He was there when I needed him even if I hadn't call. I almost told him about the baby. I got like ten millions calls from Thomas. By the way, he wasn't with Ariana. I knew it and now everyone knew they had been together before I came. Ariana was so ashamed of herself. Her friends didn't react much to it. I supposed Noelle already knew. She told something to Ariana, and she wasn't a big part like she used to be. People laughed at her. Yeah, she swore that she would never date guys like him, and people found out that she _loved_ one of them. Pretty lame. Anyway I didn't laugh. I couldn't because after this week, I went to the drug store to buy the pregnancy test.

I was shaking. There was so many pregnancy tests I didn't know which one to buy.

"May I help you?" a voice next to me offered. I almost jumped. I looked at the voice's owner. It was a girl. My age, I'd say. I didn't know her. She was smiling. But behind her eyes, I could see she had already judged me.

"I don't know which one to take," I said.

"How long?" she asked.

"I am late… I'd say in about two months," I told her.

"Two months?" she screamed. "You better hurry if you want to have an abortion." She gave me one pregnancy test, "Take the cheapest one, it doesn't make a difference at this point."

I went to pay it. When I got out of the store I was so anxious that someone might have seen me that I went straight to a restaurant. I went into the bathroom to pee on the test. It was like the most stressful minutes of my entire life. I already knew the answer, but there was still a chance for it to be unreal. But it wasn't. I really was pregnant. I fell on the floor. I was overwhelmed. Now it really was real. I had taken so much time to do the test, hoping that my period will show up before I had to do it but it didn't. And now I was so pregnant. I had to do something.

I took my phone and called Constance, "Constance," I said, almost crying, "I really am. I really am… I need … I need an abortion."

She didn't answer fast, "Reed, sweetheart, wait for me where you are and we'll go to the doctor," she finally said.

So I wanted for her. I received a text from Thomas, "Reed, have you take the test?" He had already tried to talk to me but I hadn't answer to any. This time I just had to.

So I typed, "Yeah, I did. It is positive."

His answer showed after a few seconds. I knew we might need but it was my decision and I just couldn't have a baby at 15.

And he wanted to talk. "There's nothing to talk about," I wrote.

He answered, "I'll call you."

Few seconds later, my phone rang. For a moment I wanted to hang up.

But I sighed and took the call, "Yeah?"

"What are you doing what about it?" he asked.

"Having an abortion what you think," I replied.

"Don't you think we should discuss it together?" he asked.

"No, it's my decision, and I can't have a baby at 15, and I'm sure you don't want one either," I mumbled.

"Never said this. Reed I think we could make a great family," he said. He was so serious. I wasn't expecting this kind of reaction.

"Thomas! We aren't together anymore, we aren't a couple. We aren't having this baby so we ain't a family," I cried.

"I so want you back, Reed," he whispered. "Just please, don't have the abortion right now. I wanna be there for you. It's my fault if you are going through this, and I wanna be there and help," he told me. His voice… He was… I didn't even know what to do about him.

"You are adorable to say this, but it's better if you don't get involve," I refused.

"I wanna be involve," he protested.

"Don't argue with me right now,' I said. "Really, Thomas be realist!"

"I am," he assured. I sighed. He wasn't being reasonable at all. "Let me be there for you."

"Can't, Thomas." One tear came out of my left eye. Pain tear.

"Don't cry, Reed … Tell me what I can do…" He was being so nice and so sweet. I didn't understand a thing at all. I thought he was going to be so pissed about it. But he so wasn't.

"If you can let me have an abortion, it'll be nice," I finally said.

I heard him sighed in the phone. "It is your decision, but I want you to know I'll be there."

I hung up after saying goodbye. I looked up, and I saw Josh. He was smiling when he came to me. How did he even know where I was? I didn't even have time to ask him. He kissed my lips. I almost jumped. What was this all about?

He smiled, "Reed, I think you need to get over Thomas and … I have always like you. Don't say you don't like me. Maybe this is our chance to try this out."

I didn't see any other explanation: I must be damned.

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	14. Chapter 13

"He did what?" Constance exclaimed.

"I swear," I mumbled while we were coming back from the doctor. She had confirmed that I was pregnant and she told me not to wait too long before having the abortion because soon I wouldn't be able to have one. I told her I would go this week. Constance said she'd go with me.

"I knew he was crazy about you!" she triumphed.

"There's nothing to be proud of. I can't date Josh," I reminded her.

"Who cares?" Constance sighed.

"Thomas," I answered.

She smiled. "You have to decide what you want. Either you work it out with Thomas or you give it a try with Josh and you forget about Thomas," she said. I knew she was right. I couldn't have both. But I didn't see Josh as a boyfriend. Especially not mine. We weren't on the same planet, that was how I felt. "You'll find in him someone you didn't find in Thomas," Constance argued.

I sighed, "Maybe I will give it a try." But it sounded like a very bad idea.

"You should," she suggested.

I smiled when I understood how stubborn she was about this. Didn't know why.

"Why you want me so hard to date Josh?" I asked.

"Look what you're going through since Thomas is in your life. Maybe Josh will give you a break," she answered.

She really was a true friend. She was being honest with me which I liked.

When I got back into my room, I took my phone. I had a two text messages. "Can't wait to see you, J." and "Call me, T."

I called Josh first, "Hey?"

"Hey, Josh, it's me," I said.

"Hey! I was wondering when you'd call," he exclaimed. I could tell he was happy to hear me. Maybe a bit too much. Thomas must have been around…

I didn't bother myself with this, "You know, I've been surprised when you kissed me earlier but I've thought about it and you're right. We should give it a try," I told him. I could almost hear his thought screaming his joy. It made me smile. Maybe Constance was right, I needed a guy like Josh in my life right now.

"You don't even know how much I wanted to hear this from you," he said. I could almost see him smiling.

I hung up after saying goodbye and I called Thomas, "Yeap?"

"Thomas, it's Reed."

"Yeah, I've recognized your voice. What's up?" he asked. Like he didn't know.

"The doctor said I need to have the abortion as soon as possible. I just wanted to tell you… And, even if Constance will go with me, I was wondering if maybe… If maybe you wanna come," I suggested.

"If you want me there, I'll be there," he finally said.

"Then meet me at my room this Saturday,"

"All right." I hung up after he wished me sweet dreams. I was confused. Anyway.

Next morning, when I came into the cafeteria, Josh was waiting for me, and he took my hand as we were walking through it. I felt uncomfortable, noticing everyone was watching us. Plus, I had put on a really large shirt so no one would notice my belly. I still fit on my jeans so I kinda was happy of it. I saw Thomas. He was sitting with Dash and the Billings girls. What a change! I suddenly felt sick. I couldn't face Thomas and held Josh's hand. I just couldn't. _But you have to do it. _Shut up! _I can't_.

He turned his head as I was about to run away, and his look went down straight where my hand and Josh's were entwined. He saw red. He was so pissed, I could tell. But behind the anger, I knew there was some pain. He didn't move and continued to smile but nothing was real about this expression. It looked fake to me.

Josh and I sat down with the Billings girls. I had to face them. Soon or later. And I picked soon. So we sat in front of Dash and Thomas.

"So, Reed you got a new prey?" Noelle voice said, sarcastic. I didn't answer. I knew she only wanted to provoke me or something. The best revenge was to stay calm.

"Hey, Reed," Taylor exclaimed. She was the only one I have missed.

"Hey, Taylor," I replied with a smile.

There was a huge awkwardness between everyone. I saw Ariana. She was still looking at Thomas. I looked up to see Thomas's look, and I knew what he was up to. I saw pain in his eyes and pain equals revenge. He looked at Ariana and nodded. They both got up and left without an explanation.

"So what, Osgood is with Pearson, now?" Josh asked.

"They shouldn't be!" Noelle yelled. She looked at me and said, "He should be with you so what the hell you doing?"

"She's with me," Josh said. I didn't really know why, but what he just said bothered the hell out of me. I wasn't with Josh. I didn't _want _to be with him. All I wanted was one thing, and it was Thomas.

I suddenly got up. Everyone was watching at me. They knew all the rumours and gossips, and they knew I wasn't so happy about Thomas being with Ariana._ After he said he only loved you._ Also.

"You don't understand a thing. None of you," I cried.

And I left in a hurry. I found Thomas and Ariana sitting on a bench. I came near to them, and I slapped Ariana so hard. She had a red mark on her cheek, and she looked at me like she wanted to kill me.

"Get off him!" I yelled. I was out of my mind.

She got up. Hot rage rose inside me. I was really about to lose control.

"He ain't yours anymore," she reminded me with an annoying voice. _I so wanna punch her!_

"I said, 'get off!' " I screamed.

And I hit her again. She did hit me too. I didn't really notice. I only remember seeing people coming out of the cafeteria to see a real cat fight. Thomas tried to separate us but he didn't success. We were both out of control.

Finally, Dash came and separated the two of us. He was looking at us like we were insane, which we probably were. "Stop making a show of yourselves. It is pathetic. Pearson, clean this up," he ordered. He let me go and Ariana too, "Don't you dare fight again right now," he warned us. And he left.

I saw Josh. He wasn't happy. He didn't look like he was. He wouldn't forgive me this. I couldn't blame him. He was hurt, I knew that, but he knew I might fall again for Thomas. Maybe I had never unfell for him either. Josh left, too, and so did everyone else.

Thomas eyed me. His look had changed. "Finally," he said.

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	15. Chapter 14

Saturday. It was the day I was having my abortion. I couldn't tell how I felt. I was excited and also I wasn't. There would be one more problem out of my mind. The Josh thing was already over. We had talked, and he had understood that I wasn't ready for somebody else. He had said he'd be there waiting for me whenever I would be ready. He hadn't been pissed off like I thought he'd be. He just got it.

I was walking in circles in my room, under Constance's worried look. We were waiting for Thomas to show up. Did I really need to say I was back on the track with him? Guess not. When I had this fight with Ariana, after it, we had explained and we had finally gotten back together and for good this time. I had never been this happy. Everything felt so right. Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong.

"Where is he?" Constance asked, annoyed.

"We're gonna be late," I noticed. I tried to call him, but he didn't answer. Where the hell was he?

"Appointment is at 4 and it is 1, so he better shows up soon because we'll miss the bus," Constance continued.

I tried to call Josh who picked his phone after the third ring tone, "Reed?" he said.

"Yeah, it's me. I was wondering if you've seen Thomas. Constance and I are waiting for him," I said.

"Didn't see him," he apologized, but he didn't seem to be sorry at all.

"I don't get it. He said he'll be there," I grumbled.

"If I ever see him, I'll tell him you're looking for him," he promised.

"Yeah, thanks, Josh," I thanked him.

"No problem," he assured before hanging up.

Constance looked at me, "And where is he?" she asked.

She was being impatient. Sure, we were supposed to have lunch out there, and he just wasn't there.

"Josh has no idea but he'll look for him," I told her.

"Okay, Reed we really should be going," Constance said. She was right, but I didn't want to do it without Thomas. In fact, maybe I just couldn't do it. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make it. We waited until 2, and we left. Thomas hadn't given news, and it was weird. I had talked to him yesterday, and he was still down. Now he wasn't there. _Find the mistake!_ I felt a bit guilty for leaving, but I mean, he wasn't here, and I couldn't miss the appointment. I

In the bus, I tried to call him again, but still he didn't answer.

I even called Dash, "Hello?"

"Dash, it's Reed Brennan," I introduced myself.

"Oh, hey Reed, what's up?" he said.

"Wondering if you saw Thomas today," I asked.

"Hmmmm…" he thought, "this morning I saw him he said he had something to do." Something to do. _Must be me._

"Didn't he tell you where he went?" I asked again.

"Nope; I ain't his baby-sitter," Dash replied.

"Didn't mean this," I added on the same tone.

I heard him sighing, "Sorry I'm being rude. I'm just having a bad day," he apologized.

"Yeah, I understand. It's okay, call me if you see him, please? Or better; tell him to call me as soon as he can, it's an emergency!" I almost screamed.

He laughed for a second, thinking I was like missing him or so. But when he heard I wasn't joining my laugh to his, he stopped, "Is everything all right?" he asked.

I wasn't about to talk about my problems to Dash McCafferty. So wasn't. "No, I just really need to talk to him. And now I gotta go. See ya," I told him before hanging up.

I looked at Constance. She was texting. Probably Witt. _Never mind. _I just didn't say a word until we arrived to the clinic. Well, we had to walk so we stopped by a restaurant to eat. I wasn't so much hungry, so I didn't eat much. I was stressed and worried.

My phone rang. I almost jumped on it. I took the call in a hurry, "Hello?"

"Reed?" It wasn't Thomas. At all.

"What do you want, Noelle?" I mumbled. Now I was in a really bad mood.

"Dash told me you called," she started. Of course, he wasn't able to shut up in front of his boss.

"It's true," I said.

"He said you were looking for Thomas, and it was an emergency. What could be so urgent?" she asked.

Did she really think I was about to tell her? So not. I wouldn't.

"None of your business," I replied.

"Either you tell me now, or I'll find out. Soon or later," she threaded me.

I wasn't afraid of her anymore. Anyway I would get rid of the problem today, so it wasn't a problem anymore, and she had nothing against me, like proofs. Except Thomas but I doubted he'd talked. "Good luck," I wished her before hanging up.

Now Constance was looking at me, "Noelle Lange called?" she asked, surprised.

Sure, I wasn't Noelle's biggest fan since the thing with Ariana, and I didn't feel sorry about it.

"Yeah, Dash told her that I called and that I was looking for Thomas," I explained.

"Such a bitch," she grumbled.

I laughed, "Damn, I know."

My phone rang again. We were waiting in the waiting room at the clinic. People were staring at me, and it made me feel so uncomfortable. I took the call, trying to escape to these people's looks.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Reed, it's Dash." His voice was calm and judging by the way he was talking, I knew something terrible had happened.

"Dash? What's going on?" I asked with a little voice.

"Cops are here. They found a body in a car close to here," he told me.

A body? Yeah, what was the link between the body and Easton? Or even me. Why was he calling? And why Thomas wasn't calling?

"Don't tell me it's …" I whispered. A very clear image was in my mind. With the complete scene. I was praying for it not to be true.

"They think it is Thomas Pearson's body."

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	16. Chapter 15

"He's dead."

These words were stuck in my mind like they would never go away. They probably never will. Dead? After everything we had been through and everything that had almost separated us for good, I couldn't believe this time we were really apart. And nothing would never be the same. I couldn't imagine … He would never be there again to hold me tight, never be there again to kiss me. He would never be there anymore.

Tears started to come out of my eyes. I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt like something was stopping me from doing so.

I hung up on Dash without saying goodbye. I looked at Constance. I felt so broken. My heart was falling to pieces. I couldn't control myself. I just wanted to scream. But even I knew that it would not make the pain go away. I so wished it did. I wished that it could right now.

"What's wrong?" Constance asked with her sweet voice. I wasn't even able to talk. This was a nightmare it couldn't be real. I didn't believe this. "Tell me, Reed…" she insisted.

I just took her hand, and I got up. I had to go back to Easton. I couldn't… I couldn't have the abortion knowing he wouldn't be there anymore. I lost my courage. I had lost everything…

I got out of the clinic even if Constance kept telling me I couldn't and that I would miss the appointment, I didn't care. All that mattered was Thomas. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. We took the bus back to Easton. I couldn't stop crying, and I didn't talk to Constance.

She had no idea what was going on until she got a text from Witt. Then, she almost cried. She hugged me, "Reed, I don't even know what to say I am so sorry…" she said. She was being too emotive for me. I didn't want to hear any apologize. Deep inside of me, I still hoped that he wasn't dead. I didn't know how I would live without him.

I didn't answer and when we got back to Easton, cops were still here. When I came near to them, they looked at me. I saw Noelle near them. Her eyes were dry. She was heartless or what? I felt like she was. She talked to the cops and they came by me, "We heard you were Thomas' girlfriend," they said. I nodded. "We want to ask you some questions," they continued.

I forced myself to open the mouth and talked, "Sure," I whispered.

They took me to a lonely place where no one was around. They sat and so did I. I felt weird. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what they wanted to tell me.

"So, Reed Brennan, right?"

I nodded, "Are you sure it's him?" I asked.

They sighed and one of them answered, "We have enough elements to say it's him. His jacket was found near the body. And his card. And people saw a guy like him walking around the place. And Thomas Pearson is still missing here. No one had heard of him since the morning. So I am sorry, but I think it's him. We'll have the confirmation later."

"Can't they analyze the DNA?" I asked.

"He burned. There's no DNA to analyze," he said.

Burned? I shook my head. "Then you can't say it's him!"

They looked at me, "There's not only DNA to identify someone. Look, I know this is hard but just face it. Now we have some questions."

"Go on," I grumbled.

"When did you speak to him the last time?"

"Yesterday at 10 pm. We were about to get to bed,"

I answered. I remembered our discussion. He told me he'd be there for me, no matter what and that he loved me. Damn, I so wished he could be here now. I didn't know how I manage this, but I didn't cry.

"How serious was your relationship?" they asked.

I stayed silent for a moment before answering, "Serious," I just said. I couldn't say I was pregnant with his baby? Could I?

The cops looked at each other in a weird way, and I knew it wasn't a good sign, "People said you were always fighting, but you were always getting back together."

"It's true. Thomas and me we had problems, I won't lie on this. I was being a bit jealous, and he had done weird things to get me back, but we worked it out and everything was just fine," I swore. I couldn't say the entire truth but I had to say something so they could fine the low-life who had done this…

"What about Ariana Osgood?"

Hot rage rose inside of me when I heard this name. "This girl is a slut. I hate her. She tried to make out with Thomas while he was with me. She had always tried to separate me from Thomas. She loves him," I told them.

They noted what I said. "You had a fight with her."

Wasn't a question. They knew. Someone must have told them. "Yes."

"What was it about?"

"Thomas," I said.

The cops frowned, "Why?"

"Why do you even bother to ask? You already know the answer," I mumbled.

"Wanna hear it from you."

I lost my fake smile. I looked away for awhile. "Thomas and I were broken up when it happened. And then they ended up being together. I was mad, yeah. But I just couldn't deal with her fake smile so I just slapped her and we had an argument. But it's over. Thomas got back with me."

"So Ariana could be a suspect?"

Ariana? I knew she was a freak, but killing someone? If she would've kill someone it would've been me. "I think she's a freak, but I don't think she would kill someone and especially not Thomas," I said.

"She told us you were the freak here and that you were messing around with Thomas. She said you got so mad when you saw Thomas with her that you almost wanted to kill her. Some people said it's true and some others said it wasn't. According to her, you could've killed Thomas just because you wanted to take your revenge on her. She doesn't think you love him."

I took a deep breathe. Ariana was wrong. I never would've hurt Thomas. Or her. Not this much. "She is wrong. I love him," I just said. There was nothing more to say.

"But her version is more believable," they said. They took out a piece of paper in a bag written "proofs" on it. I recognized my writing on the paper. Surprised, I was. "We found this near to the body. It's a threaten letter. And you wrote it."

* * *

Thanks to you, billings girl, my loyal follower! I hope you liked that chapter.


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